when i die

do not close my eyes, and light 5 sparklers. put them next to my hands, feet and head. my heart will shine bright enough, I hope. drink muddy water and honey.

take me to a mountain with a stream nearby with drums and rattles, and all your songs. a rock is the right pillow, and  I hope I am in the trees so leaves and litter will flutter to my chest like birds.

leave me where the bears live. look at the stars that night and know i am finally merging in a new way, a graduation that was spectacular and graduated kindly by spirits who knew my human graceless and lovely limitations.

pour honey all over, and lick some yourself.

grin at each other to celebrate the feast.

after one night or ten of celebration when you feel spent and gorgeous touch your palms to the ground and say thank you for the time and earth of our lives. walk away and then finally finally finally the bears can come and feast on my body feast on what they fixed and loved into being into wholeness into salvation into gifts that I hope I gave away

open armed straight from their teeth and claws and those broad, furred ribs that my thighs gripped as we flew. my flesh feeding them, and it will be then finally finally finally no longer a circle but an orb that can rise and shine into the tightest places, those places that hold the kindest and cruelest mystery.



all my life I have loved you so, loved you in my circle, known you were the best of me, and even now before the sky buries me you sweet consume me, tear me clean of desire and those urgings that keep me rising even when not possible, when the press is made of senseless grace.





December 3, 2012