Please, understand this. You and everyone else are still grieving. And what has happened will never unhappen. All of this is still new, and more shit hits the warp core every day now.
Please, understand that there are a lot of sick people out there. I don't mock the sick because sick people need care. And not ordinary reality power. And I realize I have made my share of snide comments. Little things. Laughing at a mean joke. No, not often, but no matter. I am formally resigning, and following my soul so it can sing LOUD again. My soul is the only true north I have.
It is extremely difficult to let compassion grow when you're judging. It's like planting a seed, watching the seed grow, and then bashing it with a baseball bat every time you decide YOU are fine, but everyone else is unbalanced.
You are a unique work of art, of soul. You are human. You are just as capable as anyone else of being as asshole. Or hurtful. Or at least, I am. And once that little seed has been smashed, that baseball bat swings right back at the heart. Self-superiority and judgment work that way.
If you find yourself a little less humane than you were a year ago, quicker to anger, to make the snide joke than it's time to really stop and look at what you are becoming.
I am capable of any atrocity as is every human. Every. Single. One. It's about choice, and not venting emotion. It is not easy or quick or fun.
If you think compassion for all is easy then you do not understand how much work it takes to be humane. It is very hard work. And requires constant attention. Constant choice.
The word compassion is being misunderstood. True compassion cannot be selective. You can't say you are for love and compassion, and then make snide and mean and hateful comments about anyone. You can't leave the yoga class, the shamanic blanket, the mediation cushion and then live in anger that seeks to demean. The thing is, anger feels so powerful because It IS power. Dark power that you really do NOT want to cultivate. It is seductive when you feel you don't have real power.
I KNOW what the power or love and compassion feels like and it never gives you headaches or a tight gut or exhaustion. And I also now know what blood lust feels like. Yup. Me, too. OF COURSE me, too.
Anger is. Anger is part of the emotional package, and a definite part of grief. Using anger for good change is what Gandhi does. Using anger to insult, rob and injure is what Trump does. There is a LOT of anger out here now. It's how we choose to use it. Every hour of every day, there is a choice to be made. Every fb post.
Remember who and what you really want. When the wheel turns, and it will, who will you be? Are you becoming, albeit very slowly and subtly, the very thing you hate? I know this is ceaseless work, and perfection is not possible.
Whatever you care MOST about, when it's been hurt? THAT is the trip line, one of your own personal buttons. I have those buttons, too, that are unique to my soul and me just as yours are to you.
This is one of the greatest dangers facing us all today. I'm glad I've been working shamanically for 30 years. I now get it. That was all training. All the painful initiations, all the miracles seen. ALL training. The don't call shamanism a practice for no reason.
Don't shout louder. Bow deeper. Dig deeper. It's hard, very hard. Kindness, kindness, kindness and holding each other. This is what is necessary along with nonviolent noncooperation.
This is the least woo woo thing you will ever read from the least woo person alive. This is not for lightweights. The more tempest tossed we become, the more anger looks like a righteous floatation device. Remember, anger is part of grief, and is human. So you don't get to be judgmental about yourself either; you need to be extremely kind to yourself. But pay attention. Getting stuck in anger is what I see happening now. Forgive yourself. Again, this is deep work. It is easier to be unkind to yourself, I am sure, than anyone else.
Thus endeth the plea. And it is a plea. A prayer. For myself as much as everyone else. One foot squarely in this world, seeing what is going on, and one in the world of the spirits. They teach and initiate. I do my best to keep up, and DO what is right. And it's entirely up to me to decide if this is urgent work. Trust me. It must be much easier to just eat chocolate, turn it off and live a less examined life.
I've never worked so hard in my life.